Clear Mind
by goin-crazy22
Summary: Dan is just a struggling teenage boy trying to get through high school unharmed. Phan. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Dan was stuck in the middle, metaphorically that is. In reality, he was laying on his bed giving blank stares at his ceiling and thinking about how metaphorically he was stuck in the middle.

His mind was cluttered with things most teenage boys think about like relationships and school but unfortunately for him that's all he could think about recently. He couldn't get the thought of his ex or the voice of his parents reminding him that his grades now will decide the rest of his life and on top of all of that lately he has been wondering exactly who he is.

Torrie had broken up with him almost nine months ago and somehow he still can't get over her. He couldn't get over how perfect that relationship had been for the year they had dated. How she understood every single corner of him and how he thought they could get through anything together. He hates to admit it, but no matter how much she hurt him, he would take her back in a heartbeat. But of course he knew that would never happen because the day after she broke it off she was on to the next one leaving Dan in the dust as just another person she touched lips with.

It wasn't just romantic relationships that were bothering him either. Friendships was something that he was lacking with the people at school so while most people were out on a Friday with their besties, Dan was at home on the internet watching videos and talking to people on omegle that had common interests. Sure, he had people to sit with at lunch and share pokemon cheats with, but when it came to actual conversations Dan kept his mouth shut and just listened because he knew no one cared about what his input could have been.

And don't even dare ask Dan about school because the pressure to do well was so much it could make him explode at times. He just didn't want to deal with it anymore. It was too much work being human and all he wants to do was curl up into a ball and sleep off the sadness and frustration for a little bit. Unfortunately, that's not possible in a fast moving world and every day you are expected to do something which Dan thinks is just way too much to expect out of someone.

Dan closes his eyes for a couple of seconds before he sits up to a knock at his door. It was his younger brother, carrying a chemistry book and a pencil, telling Dan that he needed help with homework. Dan's brother plopped the book down on Dan's desk and proceeded to ask a simple question; well at least to Dan it was, before leaving Dan alone again to his thoughts yet again.

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow." Dan said aloud to himself.

School is not fun when you sit by yourself in every class and pray to god that no one notices you. Dan kind of had one friend. Though, they didn't talk anymore because their classes were never the same. Dan guessed that Phil just didn't care about him that much to try and keep a friendship. Honestly, that hurt Dan but he couldn't let it show. Dan was a boy after all, and boys don't have emotions. He learned that early in elementary school when the kids made fun of him for being happy and smiling. Now he walks around school with a blank face and music blaring in his ears.

Dan looked over at the clock beside his bed for the time. It's only seven thirty, but hiding emotions and thinking so deeply really can tire someone out. He got out of bed, turned out the light and crawled into bed again. As soon as he closed his eyes he fell into a deep sleep that was only interrupted by his alarm clock the next day.

Dan slowly got out of bed and zombie walked to the shower where the warm water did wake him up slightly. He walked out them proceeded to get ready by straightening his hair and picking out his outfit for the day consisting of a MCR t-shirt and shiny jeans. He had quite some time left before he had to catch his bus, so Dan decided to get out his rant journal and just spill his thoughts. Dan realizes that keeping a journal is something more a girl would do but fuck gender stereotypes. He had feelings he needed to get out and no one is going to listen to him.

After about fifteen minutes, his mother called for him to come downstairs and get ready because his bus would be coming soon. Dan did as he was told, leaving his mind to collect with thoughts throughout the school day until he could come home and clear his mind once again.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan walked into his house and slammed the door shut. His brother won't be home for another hour so the house is his for now. People frustrate him. It frustrates him that he thinks too far into things and he slips below the okay line and more into a "I need to sleep my feelings off" trance.

The only good thing that came out of today is that they announced the fall play auditions in a week's time which Dan is very excited for. He already had his monologue picked out, and he was hoping to get one of the main roles this upcoming year.

But right now Dan didn't even care about that. All he cared about was emptying his mind for the next day and sleeping. He walked up the creaky stairs to his medium sized bedroom and onto his completely black duvet. He stared at the ceiling, like he does every day.

A week, a week until auditions and he won't come home after school every day to do nothing. He will be surrounded by people and his mind will be filled with ways to improve his character instead of how he can improve his own life. Dan liked forgetting about reality for chunks at a time. Why else would he lay on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling when he could be doing something productive?

"I'm going to get out of here one day." Dan said aloud. That was what every teenager said. I'm going to get out of here and make it better somewhere else. Moving is a new way to start over. Dan wanted to start over. He wanted to actually enjoy his life because time after time again he is reminded by his grandma's words that life is too short.

Dan woke up with a jolt and tears covering his eyes. Another dream about her, like always. He can't deal with this anymore. He angrily got out of bed and downstairs into the kitchen. He glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was a couple minutes passes one. There was a note on the counter from his mom saying that dinner was in the fridge and to just heat it up.'

Dan retrieved the cold turkey and mashed potatoes and placed them in the microwave.

"Mic-ro-wave." Dan said aloud while smiling and spinning his pointer finger in a circle, "What a funny onomatopoeia."

The next day at school Dan mopes from class to class taking notes and avoiding people. The teacher calls on him once in geometry, but when he didn't reply and just got blank stares from all the students his teacher decided to leave him alone. Dan doesn't really like talking at school. He really has nothing important to say and if he did he would make sure it was heard. To by honest, Dan really hasn't had a conversation with anyone in a long time. He is very introverted and can't understand why someone would want to tell another everything, especially the boring things that are said just to fill empty space. All Dan's life consists of is back to back empty spaces.

_Sorry this was so short I had to set things up for the next chapter sorry ily. ~ Morgan_


	3. Chapter 3

Dan arrived at the auditions half an hour before his scheduled time. He was just too excited and nervous waiting at home by himself. The atmosphere of the people waiting pumped him up and got him in the mood for auditions. The note he received in school said to wait outside the auditorium door and wait to be called in, but people were scattered everywhere practicing their piece in front of friends. Dan would do that, if he had a friend that is. So he just sat right across from the stage door and watched as people went in nervous and out with looks of glee or sadness, depending on how their auditions went.

Dan decided to read over his monologue again, even though he already had it memorized and could probably tell it in his sleep.

He was halfway through it before he was interrupted by the feeling of being watched. He looked up to see a pair of crystal blue eyes staring at him from down the hall. This boy was sitting the exact same way as Dan; all by himself. Once they made eye contact, the boy got up and proceeded to walk the few steps it took to sit next to Dan.

"Hi Dan, haven't talked to you in a while."

_Two years is longer than a while._ Dan thought to himself, but aloud he said, "Yeah. I didn't know you were doing play this year."

"Me either. It was kind of a last minute thing." Phil then laughed, though it wasn't a real laugh. Dan assumed he only laughed because he found this conversation awkward already like he did. Dan really wanted to catch up with Phil and talk, but Dan had to remind himself that they are both boys and they don't do that. Boys discuss football and girls not gossip and exchange teenage struggles in their free time.

"So? Um…when's your time?" Dan said to create small talk.

"6:15"

"Mine is 6:05"

"Cool"

_Cool. Cool that you abandoned me._ Dan thought. Cool that you were my only friend and you left.

"Since we are around the same time do you want to go to Starbucks or something after? I'll wait for you."

_No._

"Sure."

"Cool."

Just then a person exited the stage door and called for Phil to go next.

"Well, guess it's my turn." Phil said while getting off the floor and brushing dust off of his black shinny jeans.

"Break a leg."

"Thanks, it means a lot." Phil replied with a smile full of a broken friendship trying to be mended.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan and Phil stood in line at Starbucks, Phil glancing at what he wanted to order and Dan just looking for the shortest name on the menu so that he wouldn't make an idiot of himself when he stuttered out the order.

"So, how do you think your audition went?" Phil said to create small talk while they waited in line.

"Really good. Though I kinda had my monologue memorized since before school started up again."

Phil's eyebrows raised in amusement.

"Wow, you must really care about this."

"Yeah." Was all that Dan responded before the worker behind the counter signaled for Dan to place his order.

"Um…can I have a tall, um, chai tea latte?" Dan murmured.

The barista barely heard him, but still punched his order into the computer.

"Is that all?"  
"No." Phil said stepping up and ordering his drink with perfect and precise wording that made Dan jealous that he didn't have that quality in himself.

Dan was so lost in the thought of his stuttering and how much of an idiot he had made out of himself that he hardly noticed Phil pay for his drink.

"Hey!" Dan said as Phil placed the change he had received into his pocket, "You weren't supposed to do that!"

"Don't worry about it; I was the one that asked you in the first place." Phil said with a warming smile.

"Why don't you go grab us a table and I'll be over as soon as our drinks are done?"

Dan nodded his head in agreement and proceeded to sit at a two person table in the front of the store by the front window.

Dan took his whatever drink it is he ordered from Phil's hand as he walked over and sat down across from Dan.

Phil took a drink of his caramel macchiato, while raising his eyebrows elaborately. Dan found it funny and chuckled lightly.

"So, what's been going on? I love your shirt by the way." Phil said while pointing at Dan's chest.

Dan looked down to see exactly what shirt he was wearing and smiled to his surprise because his shirt showed his favorite band, Muse.

"Thanks and not much really. How about you?"

Phil laughed. "I'm like the total opposite. I realized that life is too short to do nothing so I've just been saying yes to every opportunity that's been thrown my way, like the fall play. I just want to make the best of everything. That's why I talked to you and want to be friends with you again. You were my best friend and to be honest I really miss you. I mean, if you want to that is."

Dan was surprised that Phil was being so upfront about their friendship. Honestly, he liked it.

"Yeah, I would really like to be friends again."

"Good, because if not I just paid for your coffee for nothing."

"Thanks by the way." Dan responded while taking a sip of his drink.

"No problem, so what are you into these days?"

Dan thought about where to start. That question was so vague; what did Phil want him to talk about?

Dan rambled off about bands and TV shows and his new found interest, the internet.

Phil chimed in and Dan realized that they still have a lot in common. Dan then relaxed and let the conversation flow naturally. He didn't have to worry about pronouncing a word wrong or what he was going to say next, the words just came out. Dan was really happy for once, and as he thought this a smile appeared upon his face

That night when Dan went to bed, he had a smile on his face and a clear mind as that day's memories came back to life behind his closed eyelids.


End file.
